"You have a parathyroid adenoma..."

Some of you guys may know bits and pieces of my story.

For some of you guys, all you know is that my name is Lexie North.

And some of you guys know about my struggle with depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, and all these "negative ways to cope" that come along with that. After a LONG 3 years that have been a constant battle, things were becoming worse and worse. Nothing seemed to be working; we (my family and I) decided that maybe I need more intense help.

On September 24^th I was admitted into a Residential Rehab and Recovery Treatment Center called Timberline Knolls just right outside of Chicago. My stay was going to average about 6-8 weeks, depending on my recovery process. This place was not a psych ward or hospital—there was a lot more freedom. I thought of it like a small college campus because the lodge had a dorm-like feel to it, just a lot more space. This treatment center had a lot of intense individual and group therapy and lots of different things to help each individual where they were struggling. The first 3 ½ weeks were amazing! Obviously it was a daily struggle: Being so far away from home was difficult, and it was especially hard trying to work through emotional, tough things, without my friends and family with me. But in my adolescent lodge, I met 35 other amazing girls with powerful stories. I had awesome roommates and an amazing treatment team that worked hard with me on trying to overcome my addictions and work through all of my struggles. Groups and individual therapy sessions were tough, but I got a lot out of them. For these 3 ½ weeks things were going really well and I was starting to see myself making progress. 

Then…I started developing severe abdominal pain. This pain wasn't like a normal stomach ache, or nausea; I had never experienced this kind of pain before. After a few days of trying different medication to help it, it got worse and worse and I ended up in the emergency room in Hinsdale, Illinois, again just outside Chicago. Long story short, they discovered that my calcium levels were really high and then found out that my parathyroid hormone levels were also elevated. Okay, I don’t know about you, but before all this I had absolutely no idea what any of this stuff meant, so I learned a lot. For those who may not know what this is…most people have four small parathyroids in the neck, surrounding the thyroid. The parathyroid hormone is what produces calcium. So the elevated calcium level was a result of the abnormal parathyroid hormone excretion. This means that it was putting way too much calcium in my blood stream, which was causing the abdominal pain. After being admitted, there were about 12 hours that I was by myself, with the nurse only coming in maybe 4 times (which was kind of pathetic). I had absolutely nothing…not even a pencil. It was just the TV, the hospital phone, myself and my thoughts. I couldn't make any long distance calls so I would have to wait for someone to call me. After a long drive from Kansas City, my mom arrived; I had never been more grateful.

Okay, I don't think I ever really wanted to admit this, but during that time I realized I have NEVER felt so alone in my entire life, as I did at that moment. Struggling with depression, I have (for the majority of the time) felt extremely alone even when being around people, but never have a felt so alone like this. I realized, maybe I really do need my mom. There I was, a 17 year old, lying in bed, in pain, crying because my mom wasn't with me… Honestly, I don't think I had ever felt that as a teenager. But during that time I became incredibly thankful that I even had a mom, that I even had a mom that was still loving me and supporting me no matter what I did, that I had a mom that was there for me at my worst moments when all I wanted to do was push her away, and finally that I had a mom that was willing to simply drop everything in the spur of the moment and drive 8 hours to be in the hospital with me.

The next day consisted of a bunch of lab work and tests. They kept the calcium levels down with IV fluids, in hopes of controlling the pain. The doctor came to the conclusion that this medication I was on for the depression and anxiety, Lithium, could have potentially been causing the high levels. So they took me off the medication and discharged me back to Timberline Knolls. It was hard for me to say goodbye to my mom even though I knew she was going to be visiting me for the open visiting hours the next day. Honestly, I was glad to be feeling better and back at TK and continuing the process of my recovery. God was working in so many unbelievable ways at TK, in myself, and in a lot of the other girls, but that will be a whole other story to write about. I was starting to see myself finally working through things I never wanted to talk about. I started to see my future without my addictions; it was just going to take a lot of work to get out of them. I started seeing myself finally able to notice the light at the end of the dark tunnel I was seemingly stuck in. It was going to take a lot of work, and a lot of time, but I was starting to feel this hope that I had never felt before.

 --Not even 8 hours later I started having the severe abdominal pain again. By the time I saw my mom for visiting hours I was in even worse pain than I had the first time I went to the hospital. I was back in the emergency room in a different hospital in Bolingbrook, Illinois. My calcium and parathyroid levels were higher than ever before. After being admitted, doing lots and lots of lab work and scans, they found out I had a parathyroid adenoma (which is a tumor on the parathyroid.)

Okay so get this—we looked back at all my lab work from everything over the last 3 years, they figured out I had this problem back in 2011, but no one pointed it out to us! If you didn’t already know this…psychiatric problems and mood disorders are typical symptoms of an abnormal parathyroid. So if I had this problem, way back to at least 2011…could this have been contributing to my depression and anxiety??

 I spent another 3 days Bolingbrook, and then knowing that I was going to need surgery we decided to transfer to KU Med so we would be closer to home, with people we know.  

6 days, and three hospitals later, I found myself in the ICU at KU Med. They controlled the pain with meds and kept my calcium level down with IV fluids. We knew I was going to need surgery but to be 100% safe, they had to do lab work and tests to make sure there couldn’t be anything else causing it, or anything that could go wrong and possibly cause danger in performing surgery.

So…for the next 8 days, we got to the play the lovely waiting game. We did all the lab work, ruled out everything, and the surgery was on the schedule. Thursday, October 17^th was my first day in the hospital in Hinsdale, Illinois. Wednesday October 30^th was the day of my surgery at KU Med. Those 14 days in between were absolutely horrible, I struggled a lot with frustration and being impatient…but tons of memories were made. I had tons of visits (from friends, family, and youth pastors), watched a lot of movies, played a lot of games, and had hilarious moments with my family (and even the staff at KU). I am so thankful I got to be in the pediatrics unit, because this is where I met Lauren. Lauren was the music therapist. For those of you that don’t know, music is my everything, and piano is my best friend, I’ve been playing and taking lessons from Mrs. Diane Koker since I was just 5 years old.(: Lauren would come in during the week, either everyday, or every other day and just hang out with me. She gave me her electric piano to keep in my room, so I could play it whenever I wanted to. When we would hang out, we would just talk, and goof around on the piano. I eventually learned how to play my favorite song, Warrior by Demi Lovato and Lauren would sing along with me. She was also there for me when I was getting my PICC Line Catheter inserted, which caused me to have a meltdown because I was so frustrated and wanted to go home. I’m so grateful for her and everything she did to make my stay easier.

After surgery, I spent two more days in the hospital for recovery. Friday, November 1^st (2 weeks and 1 day later) I was finally being discharged and going home!!

This is totally a God thing, because after discharging: I went home, unpacked, repacked, and got to go on my last fall retreat with my youth groups to Quapaw, Oklahoma! I had little to no pain; I even went on the freaking zip line! I had so much fun, it was a great way to spend my first 3 days being out of the hospital.

Its two weeks later…I’m back home. I’m recovered from the surgery and all the exhaustion (Fall Retreat might have worn me out a little too much). I’m catching up and continuing my senior year doing online school…and I have 32 days until I graduate!! (If you can’t tell, I’m a little excited to be done.)

 A lot of people have been asking me if the surgery (getting my parathyroid adenoma removed) has helped me with my mood disorders.  A LOT of people have mentioned, “This is a huge answer to prayer!” And yes, it most definitely could be. But this doesn’t mean that everything is just suddenly “fixed.” What a lot of people that haven’t struggled with the things I have don’t understand, is that it doesn’t just “go away.” You can’t just “snap out of it”, and it can’t just “automatically be fixed.” And what some people may NEVER understand is…the fact that it’s not an easy fix makes it so difficult to be open and let people in. Another thing that I’ve had to keep in mind is this: I’ve had 3 years to develop this negative thinking pattern. I’ve had 3 years to develop all of these negative addictions that have been my way to “cope”. The whole deal with my surgery is this: maybe it just takes time and maybe it might help me emotionally someday---but it’s going to take a lot of work to completely overcome the ‘disease’ as a whole. I may continue to get all the help I need with medication and therapy…but ONLY God can help me truly overcome it. ONLY God can help my truly come out of depression and strengthen me to overcome my addictions.

SO—I’ve never really been open about my struggles…and honestly, it is terrifying. But I’m just asking for everyone to join me in prayer. Because right now, I am FULLY trusting in God that He is going to take all the brokenness and turn it into good. I FULLY believe in God: that He is going to help me get through everything. I don’t deserve it, but even through all my junk, God still loves me anyway. I am asking you to join me in prayer; that maybe, yes, this parathyroid problem can be a huge answer…or if not, that either way, whatever God’s will is, that He will walk with me, fight with me, and help reach the other side of recovery.